Saving Relationships

Matthew 5:31-48

Introduction\r
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There is a statistic out there that half of all marriages end in divorce. Now while it is true that the divorce rate - which in 1900 stood at 4 per thousand married women in a given year - doubled between then and 1960 - it is not true that half of all marriages end in divorce.\r
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In fact, if recent trends continue - the chances that a marriage contracted this year will end in divorce before one partner dies will be between 40 and 45 percent.\r
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So, what are the causes for divorce? \r
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A recent study of divorce lawyers reveals 9 common causes:\r
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o Poor communication\r
o Financial problems\r
o A lack of commitment to the marriage\r
o A dramatic change in priorities\r
o Infidelity\r
o Failed expectations or unmet needs\r
o Addictions or substance abuse\r
o Physical, sexual or emotional abuse\r
o Lack of conflict resolution skills\r
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Today most states have what's called "no fault" divorce - either party can just ask a judge and the divorce is granted.\r
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But, as an aside - in 1970 Mississippi these were some of the legal grounds for divorce:\r
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o Natural impotency\r
o Being sentenced to a penitentiary\r
o Insanity\r
o Incurable insanity\r
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If you haven't guessed by now - we're going to talk about marriage and divorce today as we continue our study on the Sermon on the Mount found in the gospel of Matthew.\r
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Actually we're going to talk about relationships as a whole - starting with divorce.\r
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Two things formed the background for the people who heard this: the Torah, and the Traditions of the Jewish elders.\r
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Torah\r
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In the Old Testament, Deut 24:1\r
24:1 If a man marries a woman who becomes displeasing to him because he finds something indecent about her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce, gives it to her and sends her from his house,\r
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Divorce was a hotly debated topic - and some Rabbi's interpreted this verse to mean that something "indecent" was almost anything. In that society, women were treated as property - so even a burned dinner could be grounds for divorce.\r
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Traditions\r
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In reality what happened was men divorced their wives in order to marry another after lusting after her. We could call it: serial marriage - and it was wrong.\r
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Jesus wants to set the record straight.\r
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Divorce\r
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31 "It has been said, 'Anyone who divorces his wife must give her a certificate of divorce.' 32 But I tell you that anyone who divorces his wife, except for marital unfaithfulness, causes her to become an adulteress, and anyone who marries the divorced woman commits adultery. \r
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Now - I am not going to answer the question "Is it all right for a Christian to divorce?" There isn't time today, nor am I qualified to answer that question definitively.\r
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What I will do is tell you the basic values that I believe Jesus is trying to convey here - and in other parts of Scripture, about marriage.\r
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1. Marriage forms the base of the closest relationships here on earth\r
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God said in Genesis: "It is not good that man be alone." And thus he created woman and marriage as he put the two together. \r
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There are no closer relationships than those formed out of that union. Family forms the base of society and culture and nations.\r
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It is NOT just a way to have intimacy with another - but a part\r
It should NOT be a way to gain financial wealth or power \r
It is NOT something to do out of obligation - though commitment is imp.\r
The primary purpose is companionship, support, and fellowship\r
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2. Marriage forms a picture of relationships in heaven.\r
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Eph 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless.\r
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Even as God found a bride for Adam, He has found a bride for Jesus Christ - that is us, the church.\r
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Husbands and wives here on earth who love the Lord and are committed to one another in marriage provide a earthly picture for a heavenly reality. Others should see the love in your marriage and be drawn to the life, intimacy and commitment found in Jesus. \r
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3. Marital commitments should be for life.\r
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It is clear from this and other statements Jesus made that God intends the commitment made between a man and woman to last for life. \r
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You should not enter into marriage lightly - but carefully and prayerfully determine if this is a person you can spend the rest of your life with.\r
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Then, when the problems come - and they will - you can fall back on that commitment and let it be the bedrock of your relationship. And you can then rely on God to work out the problems as He changes both of you into His image - rather than chucking the relationship when it gets rocky.\r
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4. God is merciful - not arbitrary\r
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Having said that, however, it is important to note that our God is not arbitrary - stay married OR ELSE!\r
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1 Corinthians 7:12-16 talks about believers married to unbelievers - and that as long as the unbeliever is willing to live with the believer then they should not divorce.\r
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(a side note here - 2 Corinthians 6:14 says "Do not be yoked together with unbelievers." It is truly a dangerous thing to marry an unbeliever)\r
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1 Cor 7:15-16\r
But if the unbeliever leaves, let him do so. A believing man or woman is not bound in such circumstances; God has called us to live in peace. 1\r
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Let me just say that God would not have His children enslaved to a marriage where either by nature or action an marriage partner creates an atmosphere of enslavement - including abuse.\r
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Sincere believers will disagree on whether Christians should divorce and remarry. I'm just saying that you should do everything you can to stay married - but that God knows and understands your particular situation. Just make sure you have done everything you can to get rid of self, rely on God - and work on the relationship ceaselessly before you let it go.\r
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Marriage is a commitment - and speaking of commitments, that's where Jesus goes next.\r
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Commitment\r
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33 "Again, you have heard that it was said to the people long ago, 'Do not break your oath, but keep the oaths you have made to the Lord.' 34 But I tell you, Do not swear at all: either by heaven, for it is God's throne; 35 or by the earth, for it is his footstool; or by Jerusalem, for it is the city of the Great King. 36 And do not swear by your head, for you cannot make even one hair white or black. 37 Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No'; anything beyond this comes from the evil one. \r
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The people of Jesus day were really big on oaths. God's law talks a lot about the importance of keeping vows. And the people were very creative in thinking up legal maneuvers to get around them.\r
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The Jewish leaders said that if a person swore by heaven, earth or Jerusalem - they could get out of their oath without penalty because they had not used God's name.\r
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Jesus point here is this: Don't make excuses to get yourself out of a promise - in fact, you should be known as someone who does what they say they are going to do - period.\r
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What is your reputation for keeping your word? Do you promise something then not follow through? Do you find that you must add: "I swear" or "honest!" after your statements to get people to believe that "this time" you are telling the truth?\r
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This lesson is simple - don't commit to what you can't do, and once you commit, follow through - let your "yes" be "yes" and your "no" be "no."\r
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This also doesn't mean you should always say "yes." If you have a hard time saying no to calls for donations or other requests - then learn how to assert yourself and be honest.\r
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Jesus is not abolishing oaths to God or in court - He's actually creating an even higher standard.\r
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As we find out in the next few verses:\r
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Retaliation\r
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38 "You have heard that it was said, 'Eye for eye, and tooth for tooth.' 39 But I tell you, Do not resist an evil person. If someone strikes you on the right cheek, turn to him the other also. 40 And if someone wants to sue you and take your tunic, let him have your cloak as well. 41 If someone forces you to go one mile, go with him two miles. 42 Give to the one who asks you, and do not turn away from the one who wants to borrow from you. \r
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Much misunderstanding surrounds these verses. It seems to suggest that Christians should be doormats for abuse. That's not the point.\r
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I would sum it up this way: Instead of retaliation or rights - use love as your most powerful weapon against those who do not know what they do.\r
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The "eye for an eye" comes from God's law - and was meant to convey the idea of "proportional punishment."\r
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Striking someone on the cheek was a great insult - Jesus says an even higher way than taking revenge - even using the law to do it - is to ignore the wrong, continuing to make yourself vulnerable to the other.\r
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The picture is the same for the tunic and walking the mile - Jesus is setting up the character traits of someone who belongs to a different kingdom - one where personal rights and possessions are secondary to sharing the gospel.\r
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This is not to say that every wrong someone does to you, you just let them - Jesus uses hyperbole here to make a point - what's more important, your rights and retribution, or someone's soul?\r
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So this idea fits right in with the next verses:\r
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Loving enemies\r
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43 "You have heard that it was said, 'Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.' 44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect. \r
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The Pharisees interpreted Leviticus 19:18 "Love your neighbor as yourself" to mean "only love those who love you in return."\r
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But Jesus here sets up something radical - something new "love and pray" for your enemies.\r
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Why? Because it shows just how different citizens of God's kingdom are.\r
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John 13:35 By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another." \r
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The purpose of our showing love and kindness to those that hate us should be obvious - that they would see that something different operates in us - and that realization should draw them to the kingdom and its king: Jesus.\r
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My challenge to us all is - the next time someone does you wrong - instead of getting your back up and striking back, let the offense go and instead do something nice for them - pray for them, compliment them, help them. Wow!\r
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At work - if your boss is mean, try turning on the love - not the brownnosing type of kindness meant only to get ahead - but true kindness and love.\r
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Now you might say - but Jesus didn't experience the kind of things I'm going through. Oh yes He did. In fact - Jesus practiced what He preached. On the cross, Jesus prayed for those who crucified Him. Why? I think because He knew how bad hell is. It is worth anything to escape it - that's why He prayed that even these evil people, who deserve judgment, would repent.\r
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Jesus says: "Be perfect." The word means: mature. A maturing Christian will be more concerned about another's salvation than he will about his own rights.\r
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Conclusion\r
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1. The standards are high so you might as well give up now\r
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Jesus knew full well that the character He is describing is not easy to come by. In fact, it is impossible. What these words would have meant to those who heard them verbally was: Obeying the letter of the Law isn't enough. Still - people try to choose from these characteristics and adopt enough of them to make them feel better. Truth is - even if you could possibly do all of these things, yet fell a little short - then you might as well not even tried.\r
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2. The Lord made a way - but the cost to us is everything.\r
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Jesus set the standards, then created a way for us to meet them. It's through Himself. Its only as we trust in Jesus, give our lives to Him, turning from the old ways and asking Him to fill us with His Spirit that we can be transformed into someone who loves instead of hates, commits instead of runs, speaks the truth, and means it.\r
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3. Acting like Jesus isn't unnatural, its supernatural\r
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Our first response when we are challenged is to fight back or run. "An eye for an eye" or "Run away today, live to fight another day." But as Rep Tevia said in "Fiddler on the Roof" "If we follow 'an eye for an eye and a tooth for a tooth' we'll all one day be one armed and toothless."\r
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Try to stop yourself - think above yourself - and let the Holy Spirit invade your life and your thinking and your reactions. Allow Him to be a dynamic presence as you face difficult people and situations. It's not natural for us so we need to rely on the supernatural presence of the spirit.\r